Seasons of Significance

Posted by Cynthia on September 2, 2009

Seasons of Significance

By C. G. Browning

            Tanya stood at the altar and smiled with abject adoration at Peter. He winked at her and they both giggled. The priest smiled indulgently.

*  *  *

Peter had pulled swing shift at the plant, but Tanya waited up for him. She was wearing her red lace teddy. The candles were lit, the pate and crackers were out, and the merlot was chilled. She was ready. When she heard Peter’s key in the front door, she tried looking sultry. The best she could do was a pout. By the time Peter closed the door and saw her, she was giggling. It ruined the sensual affect, but not the appeal. They fell asleep on the floor, the red lace teddy crumpled next to the empty wine bottle.

*  *  *

            Jenna was four weeks old, when Peter brought home roses for Tanya and a stuffed bunny for his daughter. He smiled at his little family. Now that he had a respectable 8:30 to 5:00 job at an office on Central Avenue, life was settling down.

*  *  *

            Daniel and Steven were born three months after Tanya and Peter’s fifth anniversary. They hadn’t done anything to celebrate, because they couldn’t find a sitter for two-year-old Jenna, and Peter had said he didn’t want to do anything too strenuous for Tanya’s sake. They stayed home, Peter watching television and Tanya staring at a book.

*  *  *

            The twins were in kindergarten, when Jenna fell off the swing at school and broke her arm. Tanya rushed Jenna to the hospital and tried reaching Peter on his cell phone so he could pick up the boys. Tanya eventually had their neighbor, Mrs. Simms, bring them to the hospital. Jenna was asleep, when Peter finally got home and looked in on her at 9:30.

*  *  *

            The twins had a weekend camping trip with the Cub Scouts, and Jenna was spending the night at a friend’s house. Tanya squeezed herself into the red lace teddy. She hadn’t worn it in years, and it was much tighter than it had been the last time she had it on. Tanya made Quiche Florentine and éclairs, Peter’s favorite dinner and dessert. He kissed Tanya on the cheek and told her she looked cute before flipping through the channels on the satellite dish. He finally selected a pay-per-view boxing match to watch while he ate. Tanya put her dinner in the refrigerator next to the unopened bottle of chardonnay and sat in the darkened kitchen, the spaghetti straps of the teddy cutting into her flesh.

*  *  *

            Peter had insisted on taking out a third mortgage on the house to pay for home improvements, catch up on bills, and put something in the bank for emergencies. A pile of river rocks in the backyard and a 1967 Mustang parked in the driveway was all they had to show. Tanya’s hand trembled as she put the mortgage slip into an envelope and signed the check. She prayed it didn’t bounce.

*  *  *

            Steven was in his first Little League game. Daniel preferred football, and Jenna was on the junior high swimming team. Peter was spending more time at the office, usually missing family dinners. He had been putting in a lot of overtime, but they had less money than ever. Tanya sat in the stands and prayed her tears dried before Jenna and Daniel came back with hot dogs and sodas.

*  *  *

            Busy with the kids’ activities, Tanya sometimes watched crafting shows on PBS to keep herself from thinking too much as she mended various uniforms. She wanted to do something meaningful and expressive with her life, but she was afraid it would cost too much money to pursue. Maybe it wouldn’t make a difference in her life or anyone else’s, for that matter. She wondered if Peter would even notice if she got up and left.

*  *  *

            Tanya lay awake and alone on their king-sized bed. They had bought it even though they couldn’t afford it. They had put it on yet another credit card, a card that was now over the limit like all of the others. Peter said the double bed they had been sleeping in since they had gotten married was too small. Tanya rolled over and hugged Peter’s pillow, wiping tears on the black satin case. She remembered years ago the double bed had seemed huge when they would lie entwined in each other’s arms after making love. Tanya wondered what had happened to her red lace teddy.

*  *  *

            Jenna was having all of her girlfriends over for a graduation slumber party. Jenna would be attending a college back East on a swimming scholarship. It was the only way the kids would be able to go to school. Tanya washed dishes and wondered what it would have been like to go to college. She had gotten married straight out of high school and cashiered at a grocery store while Peter went to school.

*  *  *

A flyer for painting classes at the community college was pinned to a bulletin board at the library. They were on Wednesday nights. The boys had various sports events and practices, and Peter was rarely home before 9:00. Tanya wrote down the number and location.

*  *  *

            Tanya mixed a bit of alizarin crimson with titanium white and dabbed it at the flower she was painting. It didn’t look much like a flower, but she kept at it.  She ground the pigment into the canvas, lost in thought and paint fumes.

*  *  *

            While she vacuumed the TV room, Tanya thought about the still life she was going to work on in her painting class. She moved Peter’s favorite armchair and heard the rustle of paper. Under the seat cushion was the latest copy of Hustler. It was the fourth magazine she had found in the last month. She left the vacuum in the TV room, dropped the magazine on Peter’s chair, and went to class.

*  *  *

            The twins were leaving for boot camp in a week. They were hoping to get the G.I. Bill to pay for college, once they decided what they wanted to do. Tanya blended yellow ochre and green on her palette. She brushed olive drab across the canvas where the sky of her fictitious landscape would be and thought of the boys leaving. Her teacher, Jason, smiled at her work and urged her to enter some of her paintings in a local art exhibit.

*  *  *

            Peter complained Tanya spent all of her free time at the art studio. Jenna was getting married in a month, and Tanya wanted to finish the seascape she was painting as a present for Jenna and her fiancé. Tanya had created the illusion of movement in the gulls flying away over the ocean. She was out of the house before Peter turned on the TV.

*  *  *

            Tanya loved the texture of the medium she worked with. Oils were fluid, controlled, and forgiving. If Tanya made a mistake, she simply scraped it away with her palette knife and repainted with beautiful, flowing ease. Several of her paintings had won awards. Using a number eight sable-hair brush, she feather-stroked vermilion across the canvas to highlight the sunrise. The color reminded her of something… As she manipulated the paint she remembered her old red teddy. It had gone to the Salvation Army with the rest of the furniture from the twins’ room. She smiled and decided to add crimson for low lighting. It was the color of blood. This painting was one of her most powerful pieces, and a business office had commissioned it at a very attractive price. It would hang in the lobby of Peter’s building on Central Avenue.