Cynthia Rodiana

Sword and Sorcery, Fantasy and Historical Fiction

The Eris Rant–A Warning to All Writers

Posted by Cynthia on September 2, 2009
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Ahem. Would you be sitting? I would suggest it.

I will drag you by the hair, kicking and screaming, all the way to the publishing house where I will then drop kick you into Eris’s arms. What he does to you I don’t care. You may be my front line editor and tech help only when you aren’t working on your manuscript for the 18th Eris book, because the others have been shot into publishing orbit. If I catch you whining about it again, I will flay you. The only problem with Eris is the fact you haven’t sent out the requisite number of queries so I will obviously have to do this for you as you are slipping into the cabbage bog where cabbage lampreys are sucking the very life out of you.

Furthermore, the boy should have been published years ago, but you apparently need someone to slap you into publication whether you like or not. I will then announce to the entire world what a weenie you are for taking so long to get him out to the general populace, who have had to endure hack fiction all of these years, because you were dragging your feet. There will be Eris riots and my head will explode from screaming at you and eating onion rings by the barrel. Once you read John Smith you will see there is no comparison as Eris has depth, complexity, character development, and plot. In fact, my head is now on the verge of exploding due to an extreme lack of onion rings and the need to strangle you and Eris, who is even now honing his sword and sneering at you for whining. He had his bunny slippers on and was curled up in the fetal position sucking his thumb because you are sniveling and I have had to come along and slap you so he could kick off the aforementioned bunny slippers and unsheathe his sword to sharpen it. Do you really want to cause the boy more emotional turmoil? I’ve had to offer him wine with a straw in it, because he couldn’t drink it while curled up and he needed his little sippy cup to suck down enough liquid attitude to get him up off of the hearth rug.

Do you see what you have done?

Cynthia’s Note: Alas, Eris Pann is still not published, but I’m working on it! Got sidetracked by another series of stories, including those posted on this website. And really, Eris does need another serious round of editing!

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